The woes of fanfiction
by laughevil
Summary: A short guide to fanfiction where terminolgy is explained, examples are made, readers are warned and newbies to the net are educated. Read and enjoy!


**Disclaimer: No, I do not own Harry Potter, the terminology, My immortal, imam wiserd or jo bekke, thank god (so, basically, anything you recognize)**

A short guide to rant about Fanfiction

What is Fanfiction? Well, it's a story about an already existing and copyrighted story. It can be a movie, a book, a comic, a TV series etc. It is where authors write missing scenes, what happens after the end or before the start, Alternate universes, what ifs, crossovers, crazy hypotheses and much more.

Some, throw the weirdest couples together, write slash (man x man) or femslash, create Male pregnancy (Mpreg) by disregarding the laws of nature,(Tw)incest and then some. They write 'crack' (2+2=fish), write in text speak, kill English spelling and grammar, make up their own terms/words ("Fangz,[geddit coz Im goffik]"), get the names of their own made-up characters mixed up ("ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su"). A prime example of this kind of fics is the infamous "My immortal" ( to which belong the quotes from above), " imma wiserd" ( yes, that's supposed to mean 'I'm a wizard') and "Jo Bekke goes to Hugwurts" Check them out at your own peril.

There is also, of course, a good side to fanfiction. There are great stories out there that are written wonderfully, make sense and are funny, ranging from drabbles (short texts with less than 1,000 words) up to big fat bible-like monsters that you can't put down until you reach the last updated chapter (only to find out to your great horror that the author hasn't updated since last year or that the promised sequel is nowhere in sight, or- I think you get the picture.

One thing you have to watch out for are the notorious Mary Sues. They ruin any story, use tons of purple prose.(''a wonderful, amazing, beautiful, glowing, charming, fascinating, fantastic, perfectly-shaped, big-boobed girl walked in with a feather-light stride that left pink butterflies trailing after her, her honey-sun colored locks trailing behind her and her and her deep, mysterious cerulean eyes glittering''), describe their clothes down to their stitching pattern, have ridiculous long ("Destiny Aurora Bella Light'ness Direction Hope Riddle Hummingbird Grace"), have a _tragic_ background (parents died tragically, abused, raped, made to live in dirt, broke her fingernails, got a hair out of place, didn't find the right shade of lipstick etc, etc, etc) they use at every turn to get sympathy from the boys, are loved by _everyone_(except the antagonist who gets his butt kicked or makes a turn-around and starts handing out sweets), get killed making love sacrifices and brought back to life(oh, joy). If you want to find out if a character is a Sue, go take the universal Mary Sue Litmus test. Her male counterpart is Marty Stu.

You must also watch out for drooling fangirls that are very prone to blabbering, and are the main creators of Mary Sues. You can identify by use of text speak and nonsensical squealing. Some might also leave flames (see below) if their lust object is bashed or doesn't even appear in a story. I suggest you ignore them.

A note on the differences between fanon and canon: You can easily tell them apart, one is 'officially' regarded as truth, because the author clearly outlined it in the original story (there are different levels of canon, but we won't get into that); the other, fanon, can be a rumor, a popular fantheory, or a harebrained fantasy. For example: In canon Harry is a halfblood, because his parents are Lily Potter (muggleborn) and James Potter (pureblood). In fanon, however, Harry's status can be pureblood, squib and everything in between. His parentage ranges from Lily being pureblood, to Voldy being his father (''no, Harry, **I** am your father'' *cue gasps, emo breakdowns and instant drama*. As easy as ordering a pizza.)

Here are some codes, shortcuts and expressions you should know if you are at :

-Drabble: A chapter with 1000 words, often refers to one with less than 1000

-One-shot: Story consisting of only one chapter

-O.C.: Original character, beware, may be a Sue

-A/N: Authors note, may contain pleads for reviews

-Disclaimer: says that the author doesn't own the whatever (s)he is writing about. Important, has to be included in story

-Canon: the copyrighted material of the creator of the book/movie etc

-Fanon: fannish cannon, a theory generally accepted by fanwriters

- AU: Alternate Universe, somehow changed from canon (different decisions, someone not existing, yadda,yadda)

-Flames: Reviews that classify as hate-mail

-OOC: Out of character, not acting like the character normally would

-IC: In Character; if you manage to keep you characters like that, well done!

-UST: Unresolved sexual tension. No comment.

-POV: Point of View

-R&R: Read and Review

-Shipping: supporting a pairing

-WIP: work in progress

-PWP: Plot, what plot?

-commentary: the author takes a story and writes his opinion about it.

-lemon: sex scene

-lime: _explicit_ sex scene

-Beta reader: proofreader. A nice thing to have.

Ratings: There are several different ratings on :

-K: So tame that a 5-year-old wouldn't have problems.

-K+: Still very tame, but not as tame as K.

-T: Not suitable for kiddies, okay for teens.

-M: Here's where you get the lemonade. Back off kiddies, not unless you want to be scarred for life.

These are the basics. Of course every fandom has its own special acronyms and expressions. If you still want to try your hand at fanfiction, you have been warned! *Cue dramatic music*

**Edit: a thank you to Susan M. M for correcting my definitions of drabble and fannon**


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